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SELF-CONCEPT MYTHS
MYTH #3:
My worth must be measured against others to have merit.
Have you ever played the comparison game? It's the
one where you rate yourself against other people (celebrities,
friends, the random person passing you on the street), and
decide whether you have more worth than them. The
scoring system varies every time, but it is possible to
get points from looks, talents, number of friends, social
status, etc. You each get a certain number of points
for your qualities, and the person with most points at the
end wins. Unfortunately, the standard each person
uses differs, and is usually unfairly based. Quite
often it is easy to give more points to the other person,
and forget to give yourself points. We fiercely compete
with others, but never really let them know they are competing
in this round. By the end of the game, without realizing
it, you end up putting yourself into a box, squelching your
own potential, and making you think you must change yourself
in order to compete the next time you play the game.
No matter how many times you play, you always seem to lose.
I hate the comparison game.
REALITY:
Comparison is always unfair.
You can never fairly compare yourself to
anyone else. Why? Most likely you will end up
comparing their strengths with your weaknesses. An
example of this could be admiring another girl's ability
to sing. Soon you are looking at yourself as someone
who is worth less because you aren't able to belt it out
like Beyonce, Mariah, or Celine. What you quickly
forget is the fact that the other girl couldn't dribble
a ball to save her life, while you led your basketball team
to the championship game. The point is, we have all
been given different strengths and talents. Embrace
what you can do, instead of what you can't!
Claude Monet was an impressionist painter.
Impressionism was an 19th century art movement, which spread
into music and literature. From far away Monet's paintings
are beautiful and seamless. But if you go up close,
the brushstrokes from the paintbrush are visible and messy:
that's the way it was done. It doesn't look so flawless
from that perspective. We easily assume that someone
else has it all together by looking at them from a distance.
But if we were to take a closer look, we would soon realize
that things aren't always so perfect up close. We're
all like Monets, but that's okay. We all have strengths
and weaknesses, and we're all learning and growing:
you're not the only one!
MYTH #4:
I can't change, I am a prisoner of my past, a product
of my environment, and my mistakes have scarred me, labeled
me, I am damaged goods and therefore I am worth less.
Everyone has something in his or her past
they wish they could change, or something they wish they
could do-over. No one is perfect, and we all make
mistakes at some point. However, sometimes these mistakes
can plague you, to a point where you believe your future
is in jeopardy because of your past. Instead of moving
on, you feel trapped because of what has happened in the
past, and therefore you feel like you are less valuable
than you could be if circumstances had been different.
It may be that you were raised in a rough home environment.
Perhaps you made a choice that you now regret, either physically,
emotionally, or within the context of a specific situation.
Or maybe you are being followed by a bad reputation that
you just can't seem to shake from your past. Whatever
the case, when you look at yourself, all you see is how
that "thing" has scarred you.
REALITY:
The past is the past and you are not bound by it
or to it.
When we base our self-worth on past failures
or circumstances we begin to believe that: I am what
I am. I cannot change. I am hopeless.
But you know what? Our past failures are just that:
in the past! You do not have to be defined by what
was. One frustration is the fact that many times you
may not think that you look or act much differently, but
you must remember that you are a person in process.
Character is developed and revealed through tests, and we
are always being tested! This helps us to comprehend that
everything in life is significant!
You must realize that you are changing everyday.
You are forming values, beliefs, and relationships on a
consistent basis. Your feelings, behavior, and beliefs
all interact to shape your life. Part of constructing
your future self comes from understanding who you are today.
If you know who you are, you will not try to become someone
else in order to have value and meaning in your life.
If you don't know who you are, you will try to
become someone who someone else wants you to be!
As you go through life, you will make mistakes:
this is normal and permissible. Don't be afraid of
making the wrong choices though, to the point where you
decide nothing at all. Even making no choice is a
decision in and of itself. The past can be used as
a tool for your future. What does that mean?
It means that you have the opportunity to take what your
past has given you and learn and grow from it. You
do not have to be a product of your past, but you can make
it productive in shaping your future.
So what does this so-called
"healthy self-concept" really look like?
When you:
- See the value in yourself
- Recognize your potential, talents, and
abilities
- Learn from your past and failures, instead
of constantly self-criticize
- Are able to differentiate between the
truth about yourself, and other people's opinions
...then you are on your way to having a
healthy self-image.
Aren't quite there yet? That's okay!
But if you remember anything at all, remember this:
you were created with a purpose. Yes, YOU. Your
life has meaning, and there is always hope. Your future
is coloured with greatness, and it's yours for the taking!!!
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