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SELF-CONCEPT MYTHS

MYTH #1: 
I must earn my value.  I must be perfect in order to be worth something.

This myth tries to convince us that in order to be worth something, you must achieve a certain level of excellence, otherwise you are nothing but a failure.  So we get this performance mentality that pushes us not just to succeed (which is cool; we need motivation in our lives), but to be perfect.  Our grades, or relationships, or performances in athletics or the arts or any other extra-curricular activity must reach a certain standard in order to make us valuable.  This may not be something that we consciously think to ourselves, but it is in essence how we live.

Self-talk is how we think about ourselves, and the positive and negative comments we make internally. We compare ourselves to others or to some imaginary standard that is impossible to measure up to.  There are many times when we look at ourselves, and suddenly we become overly critical.  We often are able to tolerate failure in another person, but cannot bear it in ourselves.  All we can see are our weaknesses and failures, disregarding all other aspects of ourselves. Therefore, failure = devastation and feelings of worthlessness, instead of an opportunity to grow and learn.  Regardless of what anyone else tries to tell us, we always live up to or down to the perception we have of ourselves.

REALITY:
Value is not derived from perfection.

Nobody is perfect, even if it appears that way.  NOBODY is perfect.  We are all people in process.  Goal setting and self-criticism are both good; they are necessary to process our situations and grow.   However, having unrealistic expectations for yourself that are unattainable is unhealthy.  You need to understand that it's OKAY to make mistakes.  In fact, it's absolutely normal!  The key is what you do once you've made the mistake.  You have a choice whether to learn from the mistake, or punish yourself for not being perfect.  Failure isn't when you fall, but when you don't get back up again.

It's not just about being satisfied with who you are now, but realizing that you have potential for greatness.  That is totally different than needing to be perfect!  Think about anyone who has ever done anything significant with their life:  not one of them were perfect, but all demonstrated some sort of greatness.  That potential is in you too!
           

MYTH #2:
I need to be who someone else wants me to be

We crave the approval and affection of others:  it is human nature to want to be accepted and belong.  As girls, we especially desire the affection of others.  The problem is not in enjoying the approval of others, or wanting to fit in.  The problem comes when without realizing it, we get to a point where other people's opinions of us are more important than who we really are.  We then begin to give in to peer pressure and let those opinions control our decisions.  As a result, our value comes from their approval.  These expectations weigh us down and we attach importance to things that have no importance.  Soon our recognition and status defines our self-importance, until who we are has nothing to do with who we are, but has everything to do with what others expect us to be. Isn't it funny that we turn to others who have a perspective just as limited as our own in order to discover our worth?  We completely depend on those who base our worth on our ability to meet their standards.

The extreme occurs when we are willing to completely change who we are for someone else.  The most common example of this would probably be the girl who rearranges her life for a guy.  It can be funny sometimes to watch a girl pick up new hobbies, like auto mechanics, just to impress a guy they are crushing on.  But when you forfeit you values and priorities and goals for someone else, suddenly you are no longer yourself.  You are an actor playing the role of someone else's expectations in a messed up motion picture of life.  If you continue to let your needs be filled by others, you will become frustrated, angry, and unfulfilled.  You will never be satisfied.

REALITY: 
The only person that will keep you from your destiny is you.

Your true worth is not based on the approval of a certain person (a guy, your parents, your friends).  While their acceptance influences you and is important, you are not defined by it.  You see, you were created with a purpose.  You have hope, and there is a bright future of greatness just for you.  You shouldn't compromise who you are and your purpose just to gain the approval of someone.  Consider your priorities, and who's opinion really should matter to you.  There are many keys to success, but a definite key to failure is to try to please everyone.  Not only that, it will make you very tired and frustrated!  Unfortunately, those who follow the crowd usually get lost in it.  You don't have to be a people pleaser!  You have a choice.  Your destiny is yours.  So change the way you think!

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