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WHAT IS HE THINKING??!?!?!

In many ways, girls and boys are completely different. There are many times that all you can do is just shake your head in bewilderment at them (and they do the same at us!). Chances are you’ll never completely understand them or how they work. But there are a few things that may help you along the way.

There may come a point when you just want to blanket sweep their whole gender with thoughts like “boys are stupid” or “maybe I should just assume that whatever I’m thinking, he’s thinking the opposite.” But that may not be the best option, and isn’t really fair. Boys are different than girls in the way they think, perceive, and experience things.

A Straight Line and a Bowl of Spaghetti…
Generally, boys tend to think linearly. That means in a straight line. So if this happens, then it automatically means that. A plus B will always equal C. Case closed. Another thing boys usually do quite easily is compartmentalize. This is a fun little trick that I wish I was able to do. They can separate themselves from one situation in order to function in another. That means, for example, that the fight he has with his girlfriend in the morning will not radically affect his day at school or work, or the time he spends with his friends at night. Yes, it is important to him, but he will put it aside until later on.

As you shake your head right now in disbelief, let’s compare that to how girls think. This could be described as a bowl of spaghetti: one area of life automatically touches another. There is no compartmentalization. Each action and thought flows from section to section. An argument in the morning will plague a girl throughout the day until it’s dealt with. And through that day she will think about every word that was said and what each one meant. Also, for a girl, A plus B will not necessarily equal C. It will depend on how A and B interact, and if D was involved in any way. The thought pattern of a girl isn’t generally so clear cut and simplistic when emotions are involved. And as you read this right now, you’re probably smirking, because you know it’s true…

The “Experiment”
It would be great fun to do an experiment. The experiment would be this: set up a scenario where a guy and girl have a discussion / argument, and let another guy and girl observe and then evaluate what happened. What one could envision as the outcome of that evaluation would be two totally different perceptions of what occurred during the “experiment.” The guy evaluator would take most things at face value (i.e. “she said she’s fine, so she’s fine”). The girl, on the other hand, would take every look and tone of voice into consideration as she analyzed (or perhaps over-analyzed) the situation. And let’s be honest… we girls know that just because she says she’s “fine”, doesn’t necessarily mean that she’s “fine”, does it? (wink).

I don’t see it…
Another thing to consider is the fact that guys are visually stimulated. They are affected far more by what they see than girls are. This is definitely applicable to how guys are influenced by how a girl looks. They will quickly be stimulated physically, and therefore sexually. This is why you should be careful how you dress, because you are definitely sending guys a message with the way you present yourself. As girls, we are not always aware of this fact because we are not generally affected the same way.

COMMUNICATION

Say whaaaaaat?
In a relationship, communication is key. It is important to express what you are thinking and feeling to the other person, because he is not a mind reader! How many times has a conversation gone like this:

GUY: What is wrong with you?
GIRL: Ugh. You should know what’s wrong!

As much as it would be convenient for the guy to just “know”, that isn’t often the case (especially now that we know that he usually perceives situations different than us!). It is important to take the time to articulate your point of view.

Communication is not just one-way though. It is not just about you stating your feelings. It is a two-way process, which includes speaking and listening. If you are not listening, you are not communicating. The other person’s thoughts and feelings are just as important as yours. And this does not mean just hearing what they are saying and subconsciously preparing what you are going to say next while they are talking! It means focusing on what they are saying and really considering their perspective on things.

At the same time, it is important that you understand that communication is only 7% verbal (according to one study). Only 7% has to do with the words that are spoken! So what is the other 93% then?!!? It consists of all the non-verbal communication that happens. This includes body language, eye contact, and voice qualities (i.e. your tone, the rate you speak at, pitch, volume etc.). So, when you are talking with someone, take into consideration all this non-verbal communication, because it can totally change what they are conveying. Just think of how many different ways you can express this: “Yes, I’m fine. Don’t worry about me.”

A reminder for you…

Remember: for every decision you make, there are consequences that will follow. They may be good or bad, big or small, instant or delayed. You need to be aware that there are consequences that come with your relationship decisions as well. These will surface in the areas of the physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual. When you make relationship decisions, you need to have a mindset that includes the future, and how it will affect you down the road. Enjoy the moment, but remember your future!

No, relationships are not easy. It’s a lot more work than we sometimes realize. With all of this in mind, however, it is possible to live happily ever after. As long as the prince and princess in the story aren’t stuck in a fairytale mindset. Unless they have a fairy godmother… that would change everything, now wouldn’t it?

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